Monday 22 November 2010
Today I am Spanish (according to KLM)
I just received this direct marketing mail from KLM. All in español. Obviously they've decided that I will be Spanish today. No worries. I go to translate.google.com and voila! Puedo leer español! (I can read spanish!) lol.
Monday 8 November 2010
3-minute management course
Lesson 1:
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.
When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour.
Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you €800 to drop that towel.'
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after
a few seconds, Bob hands her €800 and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and
goes back upstairs.
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?'
'It was Bob the next door neighbour,' she replies.
'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the €800 he owes me?'
Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
Lesson 2:
A priest offered a Nun a lift.
She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had
an accident.
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.'
Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and seek,
further up, you will find glory.'
Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.
Lesson 3:
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find
an antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'
'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without
a care in the world.'
Pooff! She's gone.
'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my
personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.'
Pooff! He's gone.
'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch.'
Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.
Lesson 4
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.
A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?'
The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the agle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox
appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.
When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour.
Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you €800 to drop that towel.'
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after
a few seconds, Bob hands her €800 and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and
goes back upstairs.
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?'
'It was Bob the next door neighbour,' she replies.
'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the €800 he owes me?'
Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
Lesson 2:
She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had
an accident.
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.'
Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and seek,
further up, you will find glory.'
Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.
Lesson 3:
an antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'
'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without
a care in the world.'
Pooff! She's gone.
'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my
personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.'
Pooff! He's gone.
'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch.'
Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.
Lesson 4
A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?'
The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the agle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox
appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
Wednesday 13 October 2010
Kudos to your plan Shoeby, Booooo to implementation!
If one of the purpose is to drive traffic to their online shop, they certainly nailed it with me!
So....I ticked in "shoeby" in google search (not that I'm proud to say, but I never get curled up on the couch without my bright red laptop next to me)... and while sipping my hot berry tea...I waited.
Waited...
Waited...
Waited...
Ah...finally the page loads. OK...interesting...I clicked further into the category for women's clothes.
I waited....
and waited...
and waited...
Ah...finally the page loads.
I see various categories, and so I went into "Blouses en tunieken" and waited...
and waited...
and waited...
and waited...
Ah...finally the page loads!
This is crap. It takes forever to load each page!
(closes window)
Conclusion? It is a classic case of awesome planning, with a complete let-down in its implementation. Shoeby, your business as an online fashion retailer means that the shopping experience online has got to ROCK!
What a let down. I'm an avid onliner, and an avid online shopper. But not with Shoeby for now.
Wednesday 11 August 2010
Come on businesses. Reach out to me. I'm online.
Everywhere I see, I see onliners. Everywhere I see, the onliner needs are far from fulfilled.
Online people are always online, but the traditional image of people online is that they never get out.
Which is rubbish.
We go out. We mingle. We want to be outside while being online.
That's why you see business catered for species like us are soooooooo booming! (BOOM BOOM!)
Take netbooks.
Take 3G phones.
Take iPad (awesome).
Even Bill Gates predicted that the best education is going to come from the web - in 5 years.
I'm with you Mr. Gates.
So we've got products developed for our needs. We're going to get cleverer online. Now what I'm missing, are services getting online and reaching out to us. Stop paying students to wear cheap-poloshirts uniforms and handling out leaflets and sample crisps and drinks.
I want to sample your new flavor of crisps. Not by going up to the student promoters in town and hoping they notice me and give me a sample pack. No thanks. I'd rather click on the button 'yeah send me those crisps' and deliver. Or add another packet so I can toss it about in the office to my colleagues. Won't that be something?
If you're thinking of setting up a new business, OR improve your business (we online people DO spend you know?) here are a few ideas.
Come online. Reach out to us.
Please.
Online people are always online, but the traditional image of people online is that they never get out.
Which is rubbish.
We go out. We mingle. We want to be outside while being online.
That's why you see business catered for species like us are soooooooo booming! (BOOM BOOM!)
Take netbooks.
Take 3G phones.
Take iPad (awesome).
Even Bill Gates predicted that the best education is going to come from the web - in 5 years.
I'm with you Mr. Gates.
So we've got products developed for our needs. We're going to get cleverer online. Now what I'm missing, are services getting online and reaching out to us. Stop paying students to wear cheap-poloshirts uniforms and handling out leaflets and sample crisps and drinks.
I want to sample your new flavor of crisps. Not by going up to the student promoters in town and hoping they notice me and give me a sample pack. No thanks. I'd rather click on the button 'yeah send me those crisps' and deliver. Or add another packet so I can toss it about in the office to my colleagues. Won't that be something?
If you're thinking of setting up a new business, OR improve your business (we online people DO spend you know?) here are a few ideas.
- Webchicks like us, we DO get manicures and pedicures done. How about we don't call you. How about we log on to your website, and then get 5 options for appointments and book our own appointments online? Who knows... webdudes might want a nail buff too.
- What the heck. We can order food to be delivered online. Why can't we make restaurant reservations online too? Why don't someone create an online reservation platform and sell it to restaurants? Maybe there's one already, come talk to me.
- My guy keeps tinkering around on the piano keyboard on his iPad. I try not to grimace. (Sorry honey!) Companies who have made a software that teaches you to play music on the piano, please contact the Appstore. I'd be happy to pay 5.99 for that application.
- E-government in Singapore is awesomeeeeee. How about IT companies try to work with the government here in Netherlands a bit more? It's just not that clever to offer PDFs as forms online, so we can print it, ink it, then lick a stamp on it. That's just a pretty lame effort on your online service.
Anyone's got more ideas?
Come online. Reach out to us.
Please.
Thursday 8 July 2010
"Cocooning is out. The individual only exists if it is part of a group."
"quote"
Who is your group?
Your family? Your friends (online or rl)? Your collegues? Neighbours?
All the fans of your national soccerteam? ;-)
Questions:
Are you defined by people you know? Or by people who know you?
And if so, who defines you? Those same friends and family?
Or the whole world?
People show themselves. To everyone.
They have a bbq-party. They take pictures. And put pictures on Flickr for the world to see.
Do you see how many friends I have?
Do you see how nice, fun and cute they are?
Do you see my lovely garden?
Do you see how much work I had to put in to make it look like that?
Hey, do you see I had changed my haircolor? I like it much better this way! Don't you agree? Please comment that you agree! ;-)
Do you see where I have been in the world? I've done all the continents in the last ten years. Met so many people and cultures.
I've been to the end of the world! And damn, NO connection whatsoever!
Do you see the online games I play? And more importantly ...
Do you see how high my scores are? I am goooooood!!
Come on, challenge me! I will kick your ass!!
***
Do you see my family?
Do you see how wonderful they are? How proud I am of them?
Do you see how important they are to me ....... ?
Take another look at my friends.
They have been so wonderful and good to me. I am so lucky!
Do you see how important they are to me ......?
This is my way of showing that.
They give me sense of self. They care for me and I for them.
I am so gratefull. And I want the world to know!
We define each other.
Do you see ....... me?
.
Who is your group?
Your family? Your friends (online or rl)? Your collegues? Neighbours?
All the fans of your national soccerteam? ;-)
Questions:
Are you defined by people you know? Or by people who know you?
And if so, who defines you? Those same friends and family?
Or the whole world?
People show themselves. To everyone.
They have a bbq-party. They take pictures. And put pictures on Flickr for the world to see.
Do you see how many friends I have?
Do you see how nice, fun and cute they are?
Do you see my lovely garden?
Do you see how much work I had to put in to make it look like that?
Hey, do you see I had changed my haircolor? I like it much better this way! Don't you agree? Please comment that you agree! ;-)
Do you see where I have been in the world? I've done all the continents in the last ten years. Met so many people and cultures.
I've been to the end of the world! And damn, NO connection whatsoever!
Do you see the online games I play? And more importantly ...
Do you see how high my scores are? I am goooooood!!
Come on, challenge me! I will kick your ass!!
***
Do you see my family?
Do you see how wonderful they are? How proud I am of them?
Do you see how important they are to me ....... ?
Take another look at my friends.
They have been so wonderful and good to me. I am so lucky!
Do you see how important they are to me ......?
This is my way of showing that.
They give me sense of self. They care for me and I for them.
I am so gratefull. And I want the world to know!
We define each other.
Do you see ....... me?
.
Thursday 1 July 2010
Bedtime story from the digital rat
At one time, most people used to be offline. And some people were online.
Those "some people" were considered to have no life!
The OFFLINERS laughed at the ONLINERS.
Over time, as leaves grow and fall....
Over time, as one president gets into an affair and another gets laughed at...
Over time, as my weight goes up and doesn't come down....
More and more people are getting online.
People ask Google "why is the sky so high?", and Google shows 53million results
People write tips and reviews and how-to's and share the knowledge around
eHow.com describes how to tell a George Bush joke
and YouTube becomes a "new free channel"
Now, SO MANY people are online and some people get left behind and remain offline.
Now, the ONLINERS laugh at the OFFLINERS.
Interesting twist isn't it?
p.s. I SHOULD make a funky animation out of this!
Those "some people" were considered to have no life!
The OFFLINERS laughed at the ONLINERS.
Over time, as leaves grow and fall....
Over time, as one president gets into an affair and another gets laughed at...
Over time, as my weight goes up and doesn't come down....
More and more people are getting online.
People ask Google "why is the sky so high?", and Google shows 53million results
People write tips and reviews and how-to's and share the knowledge around
eHow.com describes how to tell a George Bush joke
and YouTube becomes a "new free channel"
Now, SO MANY people are online and some people get left behind and remain offline.
Now, the ONLINERS laugh at the OFFLINERS.
Interesting twist isn't it?
p.s. I SHOULD make a funky animation out of this!
Real life Twitter! How social can you get??
How come that talk like this looks fine reading it on screen?
And looks reaalllyy weird in real life?
Would you go out on the street and call out everything you talk about on the web?
Duuuh!
And still. The effects would be the same. Words would be the same. The person 'saying' them is the same. And also the same is: everybody can hear you! How social can you get?
So ..... what is it then ???
Aileen HELPP!!
Wednesday 30 June 2010
A moment of fame for German national coach
I always get a laugh in once or twice a day. Today it was this!!
You know how people always say, be careful the camera captures everything? I have to say be extra careful - what the camera snaps, the Internet SPREADS.
Joaquim, I hope that boogie you ate was worth it. (.^_^.)
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